So I Can Be Quiet Whenever I Want

This is a very emotional read and everyone that is or knows someone that’s dealing with addiction should read!

Virally Suppressed - Muckraking For The Modern World

It was the same thing every night. Come 11 o’ clock, one of the overnight techs would come in the room to bid goodnight to we princes of Washington, we kings of the pacific northwest, before turning off the lights and telling us that we seriously needed to go to sleep and stop acting like jackasses. There was then a customary 5 minute pause before we would hear Max gingerly untuck himself and slink off into the bathroom. After the door had clicked shut, Max would flip on the lights and turn the faucet on full blast for a good 10 minutes or so before returning sheepishly to bed. Once he had gotten settled, one of my roommates or I would ask him how it was and he would mutter expletives at us in return and then we’d all actually go to bed. Since this routine happened on a nightly…

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Why do I get left out…

Hey Everyone!

So I haven’t written a blog in a while because I’ve been slacking and working a lot to get ready for Xmas and whatnot. But I need to get something off of my chest. Well here goes, so I am a very easy going individual and even with my sucess beating my addiction and creating a new successful life there’s still something that bothers me. And today really made it come out. Well even though where I’m at in my life right now and where my family’s at doesn’t mean I don’t hate them or dislike being with them, especially with another holiday coming up (and perhaps the biggest one ) I want to be with my family at times or when they want to do things. It makes me think of the good times before addiction attacked us and financial problems arose. And I wish we could have those times again. Well it started with Thanksgiving. I was supposed to go have dinner with the family and I was excited to know the fact that it would be all of us back together again. And unfortunately that didn’t happen. I showed up to find out that my fam already ate and my sis was nowhere to be found and my brother had to work. So instead of my rents waiting for me to come over they went ahead and ate and by the time i got there they were done so I pretty much got the luxury of eating by myself while they relaxed and didn’t say much and eventually passed out. It sucked… But I looked at the bright side and thought at least I got to see some of them for a little while and kind of got the family experience. Well weeks have passed now and today happened. I just got on facebook not too long ago to see this… My family

It’s my whole family at the Christmas Parade in Richmond. But what’s missing from this picture??? ME and not only that but the post said “had an awesome time at the Xmas parade with the family” Well what about me? Seriously I know I shouldn’t take this seriously but I am because not only am I not with them. I didn’t even get an offer or a phone call or a heads up asking if I wanted to go with them… They know I’m off work this weekend and I really would have loved to be a part of this. Especially cuz they’ve never gone before and I  would have liked to go too. So I feel sad, upset, really left out now. I know I moved out a year ago but it feels like ever since then and the fact I got clean, the only time they ever want to see me or hang is if they want to borrow money. Do yall see how bad that seems!? It’s like who cares about me anymore or what I’m doing with my life. I absolutely hate this feeling. And quite frankly it makes me feel like using again cuz really who’s gonna care?? Maybe they’ll actually talk to me more or invite me to things if I become a mess again. But I don’t want to go back to that life, but i still hate the fact that I’ve seen numerous things that my family goes out and does together and don’t even bother to call me or invite me or anything. What am I doing wrong???? I dunno maybe I’m over reacting the whole thing, I just want to spend time with my whole family and feel like I’m a part of them, but as of now it doesn’t seem that way. Oh well thanks for reading this I needed to vent this out to someone that would listen.

Chillin at work…

So I’m on my 2nd break at work right now or also known as the lunch break, but is it considered a lunch break at 1:25am??? I dunno but I always eat at this time but once again I’m doing a great job according to my superiors which is always great! But there is one thing on my mind here, well one thing I constantly see here…….. And that is:


The Drug Dealer in the Cupboard: How The Prescription Drug Epidemic Revived Heroin in America

This is a great read, I suggest anyone who’s dealt with addiction in they’re lives please take a few minutes and read this!

Virally Suppressed - Muckraking For The Modern World

It pains me to say this, but after more than 5 years of continuous sobriety—5 years in which I lived in rehabs and halfway houses, worked in the drug and alcohol treatment industry, and spent thousands of hours attending 12-step meetings—I have finally come to grips with the fact that I was a woefully incompetent alcoholic and addict. Now, to be clear, this admission does not mean I was not an alcoholic and an addict. It simply points out that I was really badat being an alcoholic and an addict, a development that was greatly influenced by the fact that I sobered up at the ripe old age of 22 and could never seem to get my hands on any drugs or booze during most of my active alcoholism. For example, my parents went away for vacation for a couple of weeks this one summer, leaving my delinquent 20-year…

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2nd Chances

This is the result of drug use and bad hygiene

This is the result of drug use and bad hygiene

The picture above may shock you or honestly be disgusting looking, but these are were my teeth. This is the result of my years of drug use and during my days of using I really didn’t care about my personal hygiene and got lazy. And therefore this is what happened. It looks like the beginning stages of meth mouth really (even though I never used meth, just a lot of painkillers) but I was really ashamed of how my mouth and teeth were becoming. So when I got sober and got my new job with AWESOME benefits, I knew I had a 2nd chance on life. It was time to fix my past and also fix my teeth. I was embarrassed about how they looked and never smiled in pictures or showed anyone how bad my teeth became. I knew it would offend people and they would make comments about it. The worst part was I knew my girlfriend didn’t like the way they looked and in all honesty, probably didn’t enjoy kissing me… And it didn’t help she was a dental hygienist, so this was her specialty and she was dating a guy with horrid teeth. I hated what it was doing to my self esteem and so with my new insurance and her help I got a set of appointments to get my 2nd chance. So yesterday I finally got some work done and…..

This is my 2nd chance I have always brushed and whatnot but now with my sobriety I have a 2nd chance

This is my 2nd chance I have always brushed and whatnot but now with my sobriety I have a 2nd chance

Here’s the after effect of the work done. I was sooo happy and grateful when I saw my teeth for the first time. I wanted to cry because for the first time in 4 years I had AWESOME looking teeth again. My first words when I saw them were,  “Holy S***!!!” And the best part was my girlfriend was there and came in and saw them and she was so happy and I could see her tearing up. That was a great feeling I couldn’t Thank them enough for what they did. This is my 2nd chance on my teeth and I WILL NOT take this opportunity for granted! I finally have a great smile once again and I can show these bad boys off anytime I want with no one judging me on how they look. So I just wanted to share this with everyone on here because I’m very proud of what happened and this is proof that with Sobriety and Recovery, you do have 2nd chances. So thank you Dr. Tom Conner and Caroline for the AWESOME work yall did! And thank yall for giving me my 2nd chance.